Hurricane Gonzalo Strikes Broadstairs

Breaking News... Boat sinks off Broadstairs Harbour.

Hurricane Gonzalo has taken its toll on the Broadstairs community by floundering a vessel just off Broadstairs harbour with the unfortunate loss of life. One crab was crushed to death as the boat hit the sea floor. The owner of the sea going vessel, Barney Boatman, was quoted as saying

"I'm devastated. My heart goes out to the family of the deceased in their time of grief. My livelihood is in tatters. It's going to take me at least 3-5 minutes to tip the water out and get her afloat again. I'm not sure how I'm going to support myself in the meantime"

A candle light vigil and prayer group is being held in the local church to remember the victim of the tragedy, Mr Claws, the succulent and tender crab.

In other news, a meeting of UKIP's "People's Army" was thrown into a confused disarray when they heard their glorious leader, Nigel Farage, has been branded a xenophobe. One attendee commented

"How can they call him a xenophobe, he ain't nothing like a Romanian car"