Citizens of Broadstairs, through your loose morals and base behaviour you have allowed evil to take hold on the outskirts of our town. Your imbibing of chainstore coffee and lack of aviation facilities has led us on a path to Satan.
We must banish this evil. If we congregate on Viking Bay tonight with pitchforks and torches we can hunt down the witch. Once caught, we dunk her and if she drowns she is innocent, if she doesn't, we burn her....it's win win for her either way!
There will be a bit of chill this evening so wrap up warm and for those who don't have pitch forks and torches, there will be spares available but I must insist on a £5 deposit; last time I got the pitchforks back covered in mud and the torches all burnt.
A light finger buffet and tea will be available afterwards for all participants.