La Peugeot, Thanet: 'A banger of a restaurant' - review

I usually like to start my restaurant reviews with a lot of big fancy words because let’s face it, “I stuffed my face with food and then belched in joy afterwards” does not make for good reading no matter how close to reality it is. All the same, this (along with a small fart) is the short review of La Peugeot, Thanet’s newest restaurant.

For a longer journey into the intricacies that make La Peugeot special, we have to enter the mind of the driver behind this second hand venture, Mr. Danny Zuko. Firstly he has made no effort with the interior; in fact, it would be hard to locate anything that is interior but that’s OK, this playful imagining of a restaurant setting works. From the blue sky ceiling that leaks when raining to the brick tiled pavement with the occasional splattering of Seagull droppings; my mind says it shouldn’t work but somehow in Thanet it does.

The menu turns the conventional seaside fare of fish and chips on its head. Of course you have the obligatory sea insects and other equally repugnant looking animals hauled up from the depths of the ocean, but you also have avian dishes to send your taste buds flying.

For the entrée I order the Smoked Trout Pâté from Danny’s partner and consummate gum chewer, Sandy. She squeaks along in her leathers to take the order to the back of the restaurant to Danny. He slicks back his jet black hair, puffs on a fag then starts the engine. For just over a minute he holds the pâté in front of the exhaust and then plates it upon a discarded crisp packet from the passenger footwell for Sandy to serve me. Obviously I am concerned. The food is looking black and burnt but I am pleasantly surprised to see this is just exhaust fumes that have collected on what can only be described as a slice of carcinogenic heaven.

It’s at this point I realise the one flaw with La Peugeot. It’s not fast food; in fact it is decidedly slow. I count the minutes from 0-60 as I await my main course. I hear a loud rattling back in the kitchen as my food is scraped off the wheel and plated up. Seagull Alla Roadkill arrives. Again I am concerned. I'm no post op Mama June so I fail to see how this flat offering is going to touch the sides of my digestive system. All the same, I tentatively consume the diminutive masterpiece of meat that is elaborately decorated with tyre tracks and sprinkled with gravel. Although my taste buds had stalled from the wait, I am not disappointed as they step up a gear with such rich flavours.

The chequered flag is waved as Danny roots around in the boot to find a dessert taster selection he calls the Backseat Fumble. It consists of boiled car sweets, Werther’s Originals and a squashed yet surprisingly sticky Starburst. I feel like a child in a derelict sweet shop as I gobble up this assortment of expired treats and fondly reminisce upon my childhood and the chronic intestinal illness I suffered.

Of course, I know the question you all want to ask. Are we nearly there yet? Well, with a burp (and a fart), my meal at La Peugeot is complete. Another top notch offering for Thanet foodies that I can not recommend enoug...well, just can not recommend, in fact, what have I just eaten. Urgh, that was disgusting. Who thinks of these things. I feel sick. Quick, get me some bleach to cleanse my palette...

Next week: I review KFC and take the Colonel’s challenge of finding a single picture of a chicken anywhere in the, ahem, ”restaurant”