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Wish you weren't here - Londoners fed up with Thanetians

3 Nov 2017

We’ve all heard of Londoners, or Down From Londons (DFLs) as they are known, putting an upward pressure on house prices in Thanet by moving here or keeping second homes, but now Londoners have hit back. With the highest property prices in the UK, Londoners are angry about Up From Thanets (UFTs) and have decided to take a stand.

 

Leader of Terminate Welcoming Anyone Thanet (TW...well, you get the gist), Mr Cockney Bob, explains his grievances:

 

“Cor blimey guv'nor, I was on the oxo cube (tube) the other day when some heap of coke (bloke) from Fannit (Thanet) starts talking to me. Now I said look china plate (mate), it’s an unwritten law that you don’t rabbit and pork (talk) to strangers on the underground.  Would you Adam and Eve (believe) it, he kept rabbiting so I had to pull the emergency chord and run off down the electrified tracks. Shocking.

 

"I don’t like to darby and joan (moan) but, they come ere, take our homes which are the most expensive in the country, take our corn on the bleedin cobs (jobs) and try and be friendly to us. I ain’t having it, London is for Londoners. What a complete Jeremy Hunt (no translation needed).”

 

With the cost of a car parking space in London being equivalent to a 10 bedroom mansion with a swimming pool and room for a pony in Thanet, it's understandable that people in London are becoming fed up with people from Thanet migrating there.

 

As part of our commitment to hard hitting investigative journalism at The Thanetian, we looked at the opposing side of the argument and spoke to Thanet born and bred James Amaurotic who explained his reasons for leaving Thanet:

 

“Blue flag beaches with cafes on every bay, spectacular vistas, countless well reviewed restaurants, everybody you chat to is friendly and of course ample places to seek solitude; that’s why I absolutely loathe Thanet.

 

"What’s not to love about London? The busy roads chugging out pollution faster than you can say ‘chronic respiratory disease’, a cramped public transport system not deemed suitable for species lower down the food chain (well, perhaps on the food chain is a better description unless we count Hannibal Lecter) and of course, the way strangers look at you like you’ve just escaped an asylum if you talk to them. I can’t think of anywhere I’d rather be. If it's a rat race then you'd better watch your toilet bowls because I'm crawling up your u-bend”

 

We continue our investigation next week when we take an exclusive look into DFLs and their experiences of Thanet, or as one person imparted, “I love the smell of gentrification in the morning”

 

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