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Thanetians Caught Short In Winter

10 Nov 2017

 

A recent study conducted by the Royal Trouser Society has shown that Thanet has a surprisingly large number of people that wear shorts throughout the winter months.

 

With the national average of 100% of people switching to warmer leg wear when the thermostat’s mercury starts to sink faster than the Titanic after the captain just asked “Can I get some ice in my drink?”, Thanet bucks the trend with 11% of the populace opting for shorts all year round.

 

We took to the streets of Ramsgate to find out more about the phenomenon. First up we met local postman and advocate for all season short wearing, William Coldpecker. He explained:

 

“Aye, wear shorts and you may get cold. Wear trousers and you'll keep warm - at least a while. And dying in your beds many years from now, would you be willing to trade all the days from this day to that for one chance, just one chance to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they'll never take our shorts!”

 

A brave hearted man there but he is not alone. Bobby Iceshaft is another short enthusiast we encountered:

 

“I went to Siberia with the misses last year on holiday. I didn’t even consider packing anything other than shorts because there’s nothing quite like the feeling of an arctic wind blowing around your freshly shorn scrotum. You’ve all heard of ice cubes, well, I discovered ice globes whilst out there.

 

"Unfortunately frostbite in my undercarriage now means I sing along to the Dirty Dancing soundtrack an octave higher than before and I’ve started wearing bras but it's worth it. I’ve had some trouble with people’s attitudes since the change but nobody puts Bobby in a corner.”

 

To try and understand this behaviour we set up a meeting with psychology professor Shelly Lobelove who, supported by a generous grant from Thanet Council under their “Waste Taxpayer’s Money” programme, conducted extensive research in a study that spanned 10 years and 20 different countries. She reveals her findings:

 

“They’re mad. Barmy. Poco loco. Crazy in the coconut.”

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