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Manston Airport To Be Turned Into Jurassic Park

1 Dec 2017

For the last few years Manston has polarised the Thanet community between those keen to hold onto the past at any cost and those who don’t want massive airplanes rattling over their roofs whilst they try to sleep at night. Finally, after much political tussle and point scoring, a sensible use has been found to placate all sides.

 

The minister for Dinosaur Development has confirmed that Manston will be turned into a Jurassic Park, the first of its kind in the UK. Peter Dactyl MP explains:

 

“I think this is a great day for the people of Thanet. Nobody was too keen on a lorry park, a mixed use housing estate or a cargo hub so now we will have blood crazed man-eating monsters living there. I think everyone can support this.”

 

The task ahead is no small feat but the company behind it, Megalosurus Holdings LLP, are confident they’ll deliver on time and budget following the approval of their dinosaur consent order. We spoke to their head of development Dr. Tanya Rex to find out how:

 

“Did you hear that? No, must be me. OK, so a lot of thought has gone into Jurassic Park Manston. As with all our complexes including this lab you're standing in, we work to very stringent specifications. These include weak electric fences, easily corruptible staff and a security system that does very little apart from flash red lights when the power is actually on. What could possibly go wrong?

 

"To be extra careful, we will also keep the most dangerous dinosaurs in secure pens like that one over there which houses a Velocirapt...oh dear...that’s not right, it shouldn’t be empty... it’s happening again… quick, hide under this table and be very still as it walks past...phew, that was a close one… doyouthinkhesaurus?”

 

Of course, as with any major change in Thanet, not all residents are happy. Local man Frank Fossil raised objections:

 

“Stupid dinosaurs coming here and taking our jobs. If you want something loud, overly aggressive and from a bygone era, I’m your man. Stick me in a zoo and I’ll happily fling my poop at tourists.”

 

The park is set to open at the end of 2018 with Marc Bolan and his band rumoured to be performing as the ribbon is cut. Book early to avoid disappointment as the event is certain not to be a dino-snore.

 

Coming up next, local satirical news writer is hounded out of town for one too many dinosaur based puns. As the angry mob chased him out of Thanet he was heard to scream “Sorry, I couldn’t help it, I had a reptile dysfunction”.

 

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