Following the announcement of the first ever female Doctor which caused the cerebrally challenged to raise their own blood pressure in anger, a new twist has been added to one of the nation’s favourite TV shows. In coming episodes the iconic blue police box is to be replaced by a gigantic litter bin from Broadstairs' sea front.
In a Thanetian exclusive we spoke to head writer of the series Steven Moffat:
“Whilst on a break from filming the current series I took a weekend in Broadstairs. Walking to the beach one day I saw what can only be described as the largest human made construction I have ever seen. Towering over the horizon these behemoths of refuse engineering not only blocked the sun out, they sparked a thought. What if the TARDIS were bigger on the outside? The bin is a perfect replacement for the police box and let's face it, nobody believes we have police patrolling since austerity started. That's just too whimsical.
"It was not only the bins that inspired me. I have penned a few new episodes based on Thanet, the first of which is called ‘Blink 2’. It will feature the most terrifyingly dangerous enemy the Doctor has faced to date; the Weeping Seagulls. You may have already seen the promotional trailer where the Doctor warns ‘Don’t blink, don’t even blink. Blink and they’ll nick your chips. They are fast, faster than you can believe. Don’t turn your back, don’t look away and don’t blink.’
"The second episode will be set in Ramsgate 5 billion years into the future just before the sun goes supernova. The Pleasurama site which has still not been built on will be the scene of the human race’s desperate escape from the rapidly heating planet by building a spaceship. It’s not all plain space travel for them though as a new foe to the franchise called Thanet Council will be up to no good trying to scupper their departure through a compulsory purchase order.
"For the season finale there will be something special with the return of The Master in ‘Day of the Hipster’. Using a mind controlling beard oil, The Master takes over all the Hipsters in Margate, who, dressed in their uniform skinny jeans and thick glasses, turn on the rest of the population with their home grown quinoa bombs and analogue camera lasers. Can the Doctor save Planet Thanet by putting on an impromptu independent foreign film festival at Dreamland to lure all the Hipsters to one place? You'll just have to wait and see.”
The new episodes will be aired in 2018 so in the meantime we spoke to local super fan Dweek Whovian to hear his thoughts about the upcoming changes:
“Some of the new plots seem a bit far-fetched to me. As if they would ever build anything on Pleasurama. That’s just ridiculous.
"Funnily enough I saw the Doctor walking K9 on the beach during filming for the new episodes. K9 did a robo poop and the Doctor just looked around to see if anyone was watching, scratched his bum with his sonic screw driver and walked off leaving the poop there.
"He may be a lord of time and space but he should pick up after his dog like everybody else. What if someone trod in...hold on, what's that whirring sound? Is that a bin appearing? No? I could have sworn I saw...oh well, whatever it was its gone now. Anyway, as I was saying he should pick up after his...can you smell that? That stench wasn't there before. That's vile has someone...oh no it's me, it's me...beugh. I've got dog poop all over my shoes. It's on the laces and everything. Ewwwww. How did that get there?"