Beachfront Dog Standoff Enters Fourth Day

A tense stand-off entered its fourth day today as two dogs continue to stare each other down on a popular Thanet beach. It all began when Broadstairs based Golden Retriever, Noodle, spotted Ramsgate resident Bear, a feisty Jack Russell, on the Broadstairs/Ramsgate border.

“It all happened so suddenly” said Noodle’s owner Elaine Milford “We were playing fetch when out of nowhere another dog appeared; we didn’t know we’d reached the edge of Noodle’s territory and meant no disrespect. Noodle is such a good boy, yes he is, he’s a good boy and doesn’t want any trouble, I just wish they'd sniff each other’s bums and be done with it.”

As soon as news of the stand-off got out, Thanet council were quick to respond and dispatched their Safe Walkies Around Thanet (SWAT) team to de-escalate the situation. “Upon arrival we formed a perimeter and have been monitoring the situation from a secure distance” explained Kevin Nine the SWAT team leader. “The belligerents have provided a list of demands and we're currently looking at the feasibility of getting an eight pack of Cumberland sausages, some medium strength cheddar cheese and a belly rub expert.

“We have contemplated ending the stand-off using a squeaky toy but ideally we'll resolve this peacefully and without casualties” he continued. “The last squeaky toy we sent in on a solo mission like this didn't make it out alive. Mr Oinksworth will always be in our hearts and minds" he sobbed.

Crowds were quick to gather at the cordon and gawp at the confrontation. “I’m not one to chase ambulances but if there’s a hint of trouble coming I’ll happily spend my day waiting to watch it” said Jim Morbid, an onlooker. “Let’s face it, there hasn’t been this much excitement in town since they installed a Jukebox in Broadstairs’ Tea Rooms back in 1987. I hope something happens as I love a bit of schadenfreude before lunch, it’s good for the digestion.”

The Thanetian will remain at the scene and post regular updates until the stand-off ends or Cash in The Attic comes on TV, whichever is soonest...sorry, breaking news, there has been a development I am hearing. In a shocking turn of events, Vivienne from Shropshire sells a Chinese cushion cover for a whopping £6,500 at auction in today’s episode. Right, I'm off to rummage through my loft, I'm sure the dogs will be fine.