top of page

Accusations of Cheating at Sandcastle Competition

Following the shocking Toiletgate incident of 2015, much work has been done to clean up the competitive events industry in Broadstairs. Sadly the recent Bucket and Spade Sandcastle competition has again brought scandal that has shaken the town to the very foundations of Bleak House.

The controversy stems from this year's competition winner Tonald Drump who may have cheated. We spoke to competition organiser Joan Congress to find out more:

“We have received a complaint that a competitor in this year’s contest has contravened section 34a, subsection 2, paragraph 10 of the Sandcastle Builder’s rulebook that deals with what constitutes a bucket and spade. The complaint also details a contravention of section 207, subsection 9 paragraph 7 which I am sure you’re all well aware of, but to reiterate, deals with collusion with an outside power when building a sandcastle.

"We have appointed a special counsel to investigate these claims and I cannot comment further until the outcome of the investigation is known.”

These are serious charges against local businessman, professional liar and sandcastle enthusiast Tonald Drump. We tried to contact him at his office but unfortunately he was never there so we sent a plucky young journalist to a golf course he was rumoured to be at. They got the following scoop:

“You know what sandcastles are right? It’s a thing called sand and other lots of things are done with sand including sandcastles. Did you see the crowd size at my sandcastle? It was the biggliest crowd ever. The fake media said only a few hundred turned up but I personally counted well over 1.5 million people on the beach.

"Now there was no collusion with Dover on my winning sandcastle. Did you see it? The mayor of Thanet called me personally to say it was the most biggliest and beautifulest sandcastle she has ever seen. She said that. The entire thing has been a witch hunt. I think it divides Thanet and it’s all been made up by the runner up, crooked little Hillary Jones. Why aren’t we looking into her use of a non-regulation size bucket and spade? Crooked Hillary is a loser and she has to go to jail. LOCK HER UP! LOCK HER UP! LOCK HER UP!”

We spoke to Hillary Jones to get her take on the scandal and her thoughts of spending a long long time in prison if she was also found to be cheating:

“I’m 4”

bottom of page