Tasting Notes For Crisps Sparks Fears of The Apocalypse
The middle classes of England were sent into a panic today when "tasting notes", which are usually reserved for wine, were spotted on a packet of crisps. "There are five horsemen of the Apocalypse" said Wigbert Allerton, a middle class commentator, "they are death, famine, pestilence, war and pretentiousness" he continued. "According to the Compendium Of Certain Doom, tasting notes for crisps are one of a number of signs that the end of days is near. Now all we need are people to start eating McDonalds with a knife and fork, a pot noodle to be served at Buckingham Palace and Jeremy Kyle to conduct the last night of the proms and our merciful God will slaughter the entirety of humanity...again." It's not all doom and gloom, we took to the streets of Thanet with the potato based snack to see what people thought. "I'm getting e numbers, I'm getting high salt content with a hint of saturated fat and a boquet of obesity" said Norman Harwell, a local crisp enthusiast, "the pièce de résistance is I can beat my weekly fat allowance in one glutinous bag. They're delectable." Not all were so discerning about the potato based snack. "It's a fucking bag of crisps innit" said Tracey Brown. "I don't see why they're making my kids breakfast so fancy, a pack of pickled onion Space Raiders and a pint of Redbull sets Jordan up until he gets a bucket of chicken for dinner".
Coming up next, JD Sports set to open a new store on Saville Row offering bespoke gold trimmed single breasted tracksuits. Sports of Saville Row opens soon.