Seagull Boat Tours To Hold AGM In Thanet

Amidst rumours of widespread discrimination in the leisure boating company, Seagull Boat Tours Thanet (SBTT) is to hold its Annual General Meeting (AGM) in Margate this coming May.

“I can categorically deny any discrimination within our company” said Skyrat Poopsoncars, head of human resources for SBTT. “It’s just a coincidence that all our employees happen to be of a coastal avian heritage. We have nothing against humans and they are welcome to join our ranks when a suitable position becomes available and they match our stringent requirements of being able to fly, have a carefree attitude to public pooping and a penchant for riffling through rubbish bins. As I say, all are welcome to apply be it a Seagull or one of those filthy humans.”

Controversy is not new for SBTT who operate from Ramsgate harbour. Their previous year’s AGM was a raucous event and police were called when the merriment carried on to the early hours of the morning and some attendees were found tap dancing on resident’s roofs and singing at the top of their voices.

The agenda for this year’s AGM will be as follows:

1. Introduction

2. Apologies for absences

3. We are not speciesist – equality in the leisure boating industry

4. Taking our coastline back

5. Advancement of the Seagull race

6. The human menace

7. Stool pigeons - how to fool the stupid humans

8. World domination – entering Phase IV of the glorious Seagull Empire and death to all humans

9. There’s something fishy about Londoners

10. Any other business

The AGM will be held on top of Thanet District Council offices in Margate with light refreshments and a beak buffet provided.

Coming up next, our investigative reporter spent a year undercover in SBTT and found that people went missing on the boat tours with a startling frequency. We lift the lid of our reporter's bird costume and find out why.